Cuomo Strikes Again

I really thought that I’d left Andrew Cuomo behind, but no . . . just like the car in the horror movie about an evil auto, he keeps popping back up in the rear-view mirror. You just can’t out pace this guy. I guess his staff must feel pretty much the same.

So now, finally, Andrew is in real trouble for harassing women. According to Cuomo he’s just misunderstood; he’s Italian and they are a hugging, kissing lot. A novel defense - kudos for foxhole creativity Cuomo - but it’s kind of insulting to suggest that all Italians can’t distinguish legitimate, welcome displays of affection from crude pawing. I guess you’re also suggesting that Italians like to quiz rape victims about the details of the horror done them. So kind of you to offer unsolicited, amateur therapy sessions. I’m sure the young woman felt a lot better after you grilled her.

And many thanks for the lengthy video of you pawing hundreds of people. It’s always nice when the defendant turns over so much evidence against himself. Our law enforcement is overworked, and we all appreciate you saving the state investigative hours and tax dollars. Your lawyers thank you, too, as you just complicated your case and added many wonderful billable hours to the tab.

You might be feeling pretty beleaguered right now, but there is a bright side for your family. Chris seems to really love you. After all, he threw aside all journalistic objectivity and used the power of CNN to defend you when allegations first began to surface. If CNN has any standards, the executives might ask little brother to take a break from the screen - maybe a long one, in fact. You’ll be able to have lots of brother time, but watch out for those pesky photographers if you go into the city to see a play or eat out. Those vultures are always looking to catch Chris without a mask - and usually do.

Hey, I’ve brought up a lot of distressing points, but I have to say it could be worse for you. You know, the nursing home scandal . . . thousands of dead citizens. Gotta get your thinking cap on to explain that one away.

August 4, 2021